What I've Learned from the Mitchell Report

by: Mr. November

1) The term"prominent Yankees" is a bit of a misnomer. Clemens is prominent, but he first used steroids as a Blue Jay. He's a big part of Yankee history, but ultimately, like many players today, he's a hired gun. Pettitte being on the report stings a bit, but I have to ask this question - if you're on 'roids, can't you at least win a Cy Young award once in your career? I love Andy, but he's no Whitey Ford. And speaking of Andy...

2) Apparently, you can worship Jesus and sell religion on TV while also knowingly cheat at the game that made you the person you are today. Classy.

3) Anyone who thought Todd Hundley hit 41 homeruns in 1996 on his own accord needs their head examined.

4) Steroids apparently do not make it easier to throw a baseball from 2B to 1B. Therefore, steroids are also unable to protect the face of Keith Olberman's mom.

5) Sadly, and most importantly, I've learned that athletes will do whatever it takes to cling onto the final moments of their careers, even as their bodies naturally deteriorate.